Hello, my name is Christian and I’m addicted to socks.
Admit it or not, we all have our shopping vices: closets bursting with too many sneakers, too many jeans, too many vintage T-shirts. My kryptonite? Socks. Yes, socks — the gift much bemoaned by sulky teenagers around the world. I can’t have enough of them. What started as a cute collecting hobby has turned into an all-consuming hoarding problem. And I’m here to share my story.
Where did my obsession begin? Truthfully, I have no idea. It’s a cheap and fun way to change up my look. Next thing I knew, friends and family started buying them for me as gifts, too. They fueled my addiction. I’m surrounded by enablers.
Now, I just collect them for fun. Given that apartments in New York City are about the size of a janitor’s closet, it’s indeed problematic that I have an entire dresser devoted to socks. And I’m talking all kinds here: designer socks, athletic socks, novelty socks, dressy socks. Socks I never leave the house in. Socks I only wear on special occasions. Ironic socks. Birthday socks.
Of course, you won’t find them in any particular order — that would be too organized. Instead, you’ll find my drawers crammed and stuffed with an abundance of mismatched styles. (Every morning, in fact, I spend at least 10 minutes trying to find a matching pair). If I can’t find the pair I’m looking for, I start to panic. Did they get left behind at a laundromat? Should I call them? Now I have to change my whole outfit!
My most ridiculous pair has to be my embroidered Gucci bumblebee socks. They cost $175. But before you judge me: I had a gift card to an online retailer, so they were technically free. Another outrageous pair is my Vetements “Sexual Fantasies” socks, which cost a more-reasonable $67 (also free with a gift card). I like them because they say “Left” and “Right” on them, in case I ever get confused.
The crazier the sock, the better. I have bulldog-themed socks (my favorite dog, duh!). Cherry-themed socks (my favorite fruit, duh!). Some of my favorite sock brands are Happy Socks, Richer Poorer and Gold Toe.
For occasions where I need to rein it in, I also love a simple, luxurious dress sock. One of my favorites is an alpaca wool pair that my friend got me in New Zealand. I’m also partial to a classic plaid or argyle print. Sometimes, you’ve got to be classy.
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